HUMAN BEINGS ARE SUCH SMALL CREATURES, AREN'T THEY?

SO DON'T BE TOO WORRIED ABOUT EVERYTHING,

TREASURE EVERY MOMENT, DO WHAT YOU WISH TO DO.....

BROADEN YOUR VIEW, BROADEN YOUR MIND,

DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE BOTHERING YOU,

DO TREASURE YOUR LOVE, LIVE SAFELY AND PEACEFULLY,

ALWAYS BE HAPPY TO WELCOME THE COMING OF THE NEW DAY....... ENJOY THE SUNSHINE ..

ALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS.....

~oLd t#oUg#ts!~

I want to go back...never expect why I have to suffer all the way through my life... i wish it could end..i do not want any more obstacles or tests from God again..really feel very tired to go through it...when will it stops?is it after my life ends???
or it'll never end...I really had enough obstacles in my life already->meet wif all kind of people already,go through bitter life already..
maybe i'm not so lucky like other people who dun hv to go through it...haiz...most people have almost everything they want...but me?never have i guess,,,,This is what i usually said when badly hurt&sad..

but now, i really feel satisfy d coz when every time i feel very down,some true friends will come...maybe it's all God's plan,..maybe,He still want me to continue with my fight throughout my journey in Earth..
1 of my friend told me this tonight:
like tht i tell u
a) "do not think so much about these small things
and boys do not matter
the only thing u should worry about is ur exams and ur studies
those ppl tht arent real friends, just stay away form them"

b)"nvm if u hv little friends or many ppl dun like u
u dun need them
u only need the ones that are there for u when u need help
the rest all, dun waste tears, strength and anger on them
wht they wanna do, let them, don't ambil hate because they do not matter"



c)"but then for now
really, don bother about boyfriends
they only want sex
u study first k
then work, get good job then only consider guys
but of course u dun feel so negative about urself that u ignore ALL guys la
must do things in moderation, nt extremes
FAHAM TAK

my this friend is very funny when she said things but everything she said is true & can make feel better & even have a good laugh..so, right now I dun scare to face any obstacles already coz have true & good friends who will give me moral support..love them...miss them..

~I miss my hometown~

i miss my hometown...wish i was back in Penang..i miss Penang's food especially laksa.char kuay teow, ais kacang,hokkien mee,wantan mee,satay,etc...
I miss my friends very much..i miss all of them...i miss my bed too...

suddenly feel so lonely here without my friends,family& relatives here...although i can still chat with my friends in msn or have video call with them..it's a very different things coz can't really see them as a clear as it should be..miss their warm hug..miss the old time we use to have in my hometown...
life really hard In UKM...it's not so easy as what most people think...especially been hurt by some people who are not so nice..
i really want to go back to my hometown as soon as possible...
need to escape from here...maybe need a break...
really miss my the penang's food,the beautiful places there..

~I wOnDeR~

Too good for nothing?
I have no idea why I have this gentle heart that won’t fight back. Why ? I do not like arguments& fighting or wars.
I used to wonder. I wish I have the courage to fight back. It is not mean I am a coward. I just do not want to hurt anyone feelings. Maybe, I should say the Firm no next time. But will it works? I wonder.
I do not know why my heart keep telling me not to do things like what other people did like hurting other people’s feelings, telling lies, etc. was it good or back? I wonder. If I keep listening to my heart will I go wrong way? Will I being used by people? Will I regret in the future? I have no ideas. This heart is mine. what should I really do? I do not like being hurt. On the other hand, I do not want to hurt other people as well. Will I found true friends in these 2 years time in UKM. I wonder..
Nobody can predict what will happen in the future. Nobody will knows how will my life will end..nobody knew except god..kind of tired with all the obstacles that keep coming in my life. When will the obstacles will end? I wonder.

Ps: everyone has their own limit..so, maybe 1 day I might fight back those who keep used me..who knows?haha..

~forgive~

"Forgive those who unintentionally hurt us..Do not be someone who is easily hurt by others". this what one a good friend(who is my Senior) that i found in UKM told me..
i must say that i agree with what she told me.She never want to see me been hurt by friends in UKM.She really care for me so much as her sister.i used to cry a lot when i feel very sad coz been hurt by people that i treat as friends..now,i reealise why should i waste my tears coz of those selfish&heartless people..
Actually,i believe everyone will face all sorts of things when you aree in university.University is actually a small society of people..It had different kinds of people from good,moderate,bad and even worst...
i had met with bad and worst people in UKM.1st type of people who will pay back revenge if u told them that they did something wrong.2nd type of people who like to use to achieve their goal.i really dun like these types of people..i even meet with someone who treat u nice in front but back-stab u from behind.i also encountered with people who had the motif at the first time they meet u..this is life..so,we have face it &go through it..i had learned a lot from those people. i think must thank them also coz they make me more tough to go through my life in future..
besides the baddies,i had meet with good friends as well. i'm glad to be here-in UKM..never regret it..although life is tough here,i shouldn't give up coz of those unkind people..it make me more tough to go through my life..anyway,why must i be sad or burden by those baddies,rite..no point.must well i enjoy my life to the fullest without worries..lol...i better be myself than be those people who like to act as good people..i wonder(won't they feel tired of acting?).i'll definitely feel tired with the acting...lol..

now,i will try to achieve my dreams &goals that i had set before i step my feet in UKM..

1st of all-must be happy-go-lucky.
2nd-ignore those not so friendly people
3rd-Been myself

s@d incident...

I dunno how to describe my feeling...i meet with one person..i thought she's ok but sooner i found out that she hv 1 type of attitude..when i told her i want 2 buy a particular things,she'll go 2 buy the things that i want 2 buy 1st 4 herself of course..although she dun need it.she juz want 2 b the first buy than me..why she do that?i dun really understand.then,i realise she like 2 compare wif me..4 wat reason,i dunno...she juz want 2 win in everything...i treat her as my frens...sad...impossible she din realise wat she done..

Wh@t a d@Y

I do not know how to describe my feelings today....It's a mix feeling...I wish I could tell someone but I feel it's better for me to write it out instead of telling my friends..I do not want any of them feel been burden by my problems.I believe that everyone is this world has their own problem, it's just a matter of big of small..i wish to have a happy family..But my family can not really give feel the LOVE & warmth.MY family is kind of complicated& full of problems.today i called my mom & I felt a bit unhappy after it.maybe i shouldn't make that call.What I heard in the house is argument between my mom & my eld sister& also my younger sister..the arguments are bad(from what I heard in the phone)..I do not want them to argue.When they argue,they turn out to be quite scary..It makes me have to think twice whether i want to go back or not during my 1 week holiday(study week in April). I have to go some where during that 1 study week because I couldn't stay in my hostel..Got some reasons behind it..

Then, a friend(name Q) that i been known for nearly a year (live in the same hostel nearly 1 year d)had hurt my feelings..yesterday,she make me feel like i'm talking to wall..I asked her something regarding the application to stay in our hostel..she heard what i asked but she do not want to tell me.when i asked her,she said she do not who i'm talking to. in the room only got 3 ppl. i called her with her name.. Impossible she do not know who i am talking to..sigh..

Then,whenever have anything going on in our hostel, i'll be the last person to know..although Q meet with me.She never tell me..Then, when it near the last minute only she'll tell me.maybe she like to see my panic face...Everytime when i knew something,I'll tell her one.i'll never tell her last minute. it hurts..

I knew ppl are different but never knew how scary they can be..
then, a close friend said to me, "why must u treat her so nice?if she mean to u, u must mean back to her''.
but i just couldn't do that..i do not like to hurt anyone feeling..i do not want anyone to get hurt...i do not know why....wish i know the answer..

My past....

everyone in this world must have their own past that they tried to hide from everyone in this world..actually,it's very tiresome to hide the past from everyone else in this world even from ur closest frens..
everything started when i'm in form 5(year 2005)..but it's still fresh in my memory like it just happen yesterday.My older bro starts to gamble in every football match.No one in my family knew about it until one day loan sharks came to our house. they asked for my brother & asked us to pay the debts behalf of him because my bro was unable to pay them.my bro had lost a lot of money in the football matches & he had borrowed the money from the loan sharks..
the nightmares in my life started...Every night,the loan sharks will come to our house & make a lot of fuss..one day,one of the loan shark beat up my mom&my mom's mouth was bleeding..I was so scared that time..No place to go because none of our relatives want us.the main reason is we are poor&not up to their standard.
the loan sharks even threaten to kidnap my ygr sis & i ..in orderr to make money out from it to pay debts that my bro owes them..
my ygr sis & i was very scared to go to school that time..I can't even tell any of my friends about it because my parents feel that the loan sharks things was very shameful.i cried a lot that time..

my parents have to take out their EPF money to pay for the debts but the amount my bro owes was too much..my bro borrowed from different loan sharks that make things worse..the loan sharks destroy our things.my dad cannot do anything also..

the nightmares did not end up like that..my bro turn up to be very fierce because of the incident because he had been beaten up by the loan sharks while he ride own his motorcycle to works..this makes him unable to go to work for feew weeks..
my bro start to lose temper very fast& he even beat my ygr sis& me up..most of the time,i will injured most badly..don't know why i will be become the target for my bro to loose temper.he even took the stool to beat me up..he even took a knife to threaten me..i got injured my wrist because of the knife he used. that time,i hate my bro very much because he had caused a lot of pains in the family.he caused a lot of ppl look down at us..times heal everything i guess..i had forgave him..because he is my brother.because of so many things that happened,I do not dare to start relationship with any guys..I even had rejected a guy who want to be boyfriend..I want him to find someone better than me..i do not want my family things to be a burden to him..now,i'm very happy for behalf of him coz he had found someone in his life..anyways,we will still remain as friends..although everything in my family had settle down&the loan sharks things had settle,I don't have the courage to make myself fall in love in anyone..LOL..

because of that,i was very determined to further my studies..everything that happen did not stop from pursuing my dreams..my family cannot support me for my studies..i knew that...i cannot blame them..i go form6 on my own money.i had to pay everything on my owns..life was very tough that time..i cried a lot..
last time,i used to angry to God & i asked him a lot of WHY???why HE put me in this family where no1 like me?Why HE gave parents who love me less?Why HE took away my Grandpa(the only person in Earth)who love & care from me so early???Why I had to go through so much pains & obstacles?i had stopped myself asking GOD the WHY questions already...I had found out the answer d..God want me to become a very tough person with a gentle heart..

Now,i'm in UKM d..I had lead my life quite happy now..I still care my family..I love them very much no matter what happen..although alone without any company of my family,I was very happy to have friends here..

feeling better saying everything out...
To everyone who had read my blog about "My Past", remember don't give up so easily..the most important things is to lead life happily & meaningfully...
A lot of my friends don't know what type of my life that i had gone through...it's ok for me coz everyone life is different..be H@ppY is most important..life without laughter or smile will turn out to be Dull..lol..^.^

~A piece of sweet Memory~

A piece of sweet memory…

I think most of us are afraid of death. I do feel scare. But I feel more scared to face the death of our loves one. I just afraid to let them go from my life. I do not want any of my love one to face death in their live. I wish that every of them will have eternity life. There have some reason why I do not want any of them to fall sick or face death. One of the reason is I saw my loved one passed away when I am in standard two. That person was very important to me. He is extremely important person in my whole life because he had a very deep impact in me until now. I wish he is still alive. I wish he can see what I had achieved and what I about to achieve in my life.

He is my late grandfather. He is really a hero in my life. He will protect me from being bullied by my siblings especially, my brother. He will scold my brother if he wants to bully me. He will protect me from other naughty peers who like to make fun from me. He will protect me from my evil aunty who dislikes me since I am born to this wonderful world. He will protect me from beaten up by my mother. He will protect me from almost everything. He will take very good care of me. He will buy nice food for me to eat.

He loved me so much. I wish I can tell him that I really love him because he is the good guy in the world.

In my whole life, I never feel being loved so much by someone.

I never trust guys in my life except my grandfather because he will never harm or hurt me like other man does.

I really hope that he is still alive.

I really wish I can cry to him when I have problems.

Wish I can share all my thoughts with him.

After he passed away, everything changed.

My aunty scolded me to release anger I guess. My brother bullied me more.

Sigh.

What to do it is life?

But I will never forget this piece of sweet memory in my whole life about the hero in my life.

It will be intact my brain forever.

Grandpa, I hope you can see what I have accomplished so far..

No matter how hard life will be, I will never give up because I know you will be watching over me from heaven I guess.=)