~aLL aBoUt Me& mOre Me~

busy life

2010-07-21T15:45:00.003+08:00

It has been a long time i didn't write anything in my blog.
I'm in my final year this semester.Time really flies..
Have to start to do my final year project & thesis.

meet by fate^o^

2010-03-27T16:01:00.004+08:00

unexpected things happen
unexpected gathering
unexpected trip
unexpected outing
&

a lot of so many unexpected

& i met him..

~thesis~

2010-03-27T15:52:00.002+08:00

I juz realised that i hv not update my blog for ages already..
juz got my thesis title:
"kesan pemakanan bahan penarik jantan terhadap suatu spesies lalat buah terhadap penarikan dan pengawanan lalat buah betina dan jantan konspesies.'

I know that my final year project maybe a tough 1 coz it include lots observation & a lot of patience..

hope I can find courage in going thru my 3rd year when next sem start in July.

~neW SeM~

2009-12-24T23:09:00.004+08:00

eating tangyuan in lecture's hall^^

New semester starts on 21st December. New semester starts with brand new me. I’m enjoying my new semester actually.^^

\

intro

2009-11-08T11:34:00.002+08:00

I have started to write blog when I was in my second semester of my 1st year in university.

Actually, 1 of my friend I met in university who had encouraged me to write. I think my blog is full of the crappy stuffs. Haha.

When I was sad or happy, I’ll write out my feeling in my blogs. Actually, it helps to soothe my feeling bit by bit.

Let’s me introduce something about myself. I am the 3^rd among my siblings. I am just an ordinary girl like any other girls but my life is a bit complicated because my life is full of problems & problems. All the problems didn’t seem be over or stop. My life never seems to be an easy-going one since the day I am born in this world. I did hate my life a lot at 1st. I never seem to like to be at home. . I even applied to go any other place far & far away from my home because I want to get away from my home.I wanted to run away from the problems arise in my family. But now, I start to learn how important family is & I just cannot run away from problems. There is no problem that cannot be solved, it a matter of time to solve it. The place that I enjoyed a lot in my life was my school. In school, I can really be myself. School is the place where I find true friendship, the place where I gain support from my friends. I even applied to go any other place far & far away from my home because I want to get away from my home. But now, I start to learn how important family is & I just cannot run away from problems. There is no problems that cannot be solved, it a matter of time to solve it.

Although life is still tough as usual, now I am able to handle it & go through it because I have a bunch of cool friends that will support me & accompany me when I was down. Life indeed would be dull if there were no such difficulties.

From the bottom of my heart, I would like to thanks my friends for those years of support. I am glad to have you guys in my life.

Life is short

2009-11-07T12:57:00.002+08:00

Actually recently I was quite upset about what happen in my family. it is my brother. he had caused a lot of trouble to my family again. this time, he had done something quite bad. what he did had caused my mom to have a heartache. my mom fall sick again coz of him.
I need a shoulder to cry on. I wish there will be an angel to appear to help me out. I wish I could just tell my friends about what happen but I just could because it is something not nice to share. I was using my whole day to cry out when I found about what happen in my family from my elder sister that day. Finally, I make my decision to online to chat to my friends in order to forget about the problems. While I was chatting to 1 of my friend, he told me about the accident that happened to the 3 Utarian. He told me that, “ Life is short “ for us to use to feel sad on what had happen. no point of crying over the spilled milk. There’s no way to run away from problems. We have to face it. He told me “to stay strong & study is the pathway to a wonderful bright future. If I want to give my family a better life I must study hard now & stay away from all the distractions. Thanks a lot, my friend for helping me to stay focus again^^

Life is short.

We do not know what will happen on the next day when we wake up. Life is unpredictable. Life is just a chance to grow a soul. Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.

Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid

~mY m@sTeRpIeCe~♥

2009-11-03T13:19:00.005+08:00

i had just done with my German level 3 assignments.i had to write an invitation card in German,,nice??

then,this sem i had to take entomology course..then,hv to 100 different species..was very stressful that time-to catch insects..but now,i'm glad coz i had finished it finally..this is my insect box..nice leh??=P

Gone........................... ♥ ♥

2009-10-31T20:57:00.000+08:00

It has been 15 years already. But I’m thinking of him. My childhood time won’t be happy if he was not around. What to say? He’s my hero. Someone who is always there for me no matter what happens. I cannot believe that he’s really gone. How sad when the only person who is really love, protect & care for me just gone from this world. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw him lying motionlessly on the coffin. During this rainy season, I keep thinking of him. I miss the moments when u covered me with blanket when I felt cold. I miss the durian that you bought for me to eat. I miss the time the time that you turn on the television for me to watch when cousins did not allow me to watch any cartoon. I miss your protection. I miss the time when you protect me from being beaten or scolded by anyone in the house. When you’re gone, everything changed. My bro start to beat me when he’s not in a good mood. Auntie & uncle keep finding my mistakes & scolded me when mom not around. I can only quietly cry at the corner of the room. I never told mom anything because I did not want any of them to argue. I knew you also did not want it to happen though. Although life was hard at that time, I am able to go through it because I have the piece of sweet memory u gave me.
Grandpa, I wish u are still here. I wish I could show u my achievements. Wish u could wait me to grow up. Grandpa, I love you always. ♥
I get to know one of my cousins when I was in standard 2. He some sort of my far-side cousin. Although I just know him for not long, we become quite close.
But he had passed away from cancer. He’s a brilliant student & his mom put a lot of hopes on him but everything is in God’s hands. May him rest in peace.

Strange

2009-10-18T17:29:00.002+08:00

suddenly from a good friend turn to be a normal friend & now it turn to become stranger. maybe we did not have anymore things to say between us anymore. boundary is drawn between us.maybe i just realised it..

Life is full of unexpected things..

we never know when everything will change again..

God knows best..

~things that i gave up~

2009-09-14T18:26:00.001+08:00

i gave up a lot things-

2005->>gave up a chance to study in Singapore before entering form 6..i got a call that asked me went for the interview for the scholarship. i was so happy coz i can go to Singapore to further my studies. things turn out quite badly in family. i gave up the chance..

i gave up a lot of things during my high school as well..want to be a perfect in my secondary school.i got chance being selected by my classmates to be perfect,, but i turn all the chance away again coz of my mom.she prohibit me from being a perfect coz she feel that perfect is like someone who like to "kaypo" jobs..what to do??i cannot disobey her..later her disease become more worst...sigh...

what to do if my parents did not support me...

manage to escape from penang at last when i come to UKM..haha

letting go..

2009-08-29T15:20:00.005+08:00

Letting go is one of the hardest lessons in life.

In life, there's many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves.

It's easy to form an attachment to people and things. When you've formed an attachment to people and things, it can be a very painful experience and feeling when you realized that it's time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.

However, there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it's necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can fulfill your life path.

Letting go of your past and memories are also extremely hard. Even though old memories can be tormenting, yet you might hold on to the past and refuse to move forward. However, by refusing to let go of the painful past, it'll serve as a roadblock to love.

Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming.

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don't try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break.
-- Julia Butterfly Hill

~can i escape from my FEAR~

2009-08-25T14:27:00.004+08:00

everyone in this world will has his or her own fear. their fears may cause by their experience or trauma..i am not so sure what is mine called..
I'm afraid to be alone.that is my biggest FEAR.weird??

I'm not sure when it started..maybe it started when i was in kindergarten. i was there alone. everyone had went back home already. i do not know where is my mom..the surrounding was so unfamiliar to me. i cried...
my mom arrived quite late,she forgotten me totally-she told me...

I thought i had overcome it already but yesterday i realize i still have the fear in my heart. it causes me to lose my confidence as the fear start to grow stronger.................................................

~meMorIes~

2009-08-15T20:25:00.004+08:00

Miss form 6 when i look back at all the pictures we took during form 6..
Oh god,i miss all my frens,teachers in form 6..i miss them a lot..
form 6 is the best!!!
now,it'll be just the memories left in every of our minds..

1-day vacation in Bukit Cahaya

2009-07-28T14:49:00.008+08:00

19th July 2009 was a day to remember. I managed to set myself free on that day to join my Natcon OC members for a short trip to Bukit Cahaya. We meet at KL Sentral before setting our journey. I think I am the one who looked weird compared to all of them because I brought my net along. Why I brought the net along? Everyone wondered. When I told them that I need to catch 100 insects for my entomology projects, they were stunned. Haha. Unbelieveable leh??haha

We took ktm till we reached Shah Alam. From there, we took taxi to Bukit Cahaya.

i managed to take pic with rabbits there..LOL..^^

taken pic with sweet Helen

1st time experience on bicycle.i forgot how to ride bicycle d..LOL

After the Bukit Cahaya trip, we went to Klang to have our dinner at a very famous "Bak Kut Teh" restaurant..we have it wif chinese tea..yummy..hehe

sigh!

2009-07-14T19:24:00.003+08:00

I plan to go back to my hometown next week but my mom did not want me to do so. I already did not go back for quite long-nearly 4-5 months but still my mom forbidden me from doing so.
I just want to go back for a few days but what to do if my mom said so.
I miss Penang a lot. I miss the people there. I miss the food a lot. Haha!!
I miss my bed a lot. I did not know what happen to my bed already because I did not go back for quite long.
I miss my friends there.
Actually deep inside my heart, I miss my family.
Sigh.
Did they miss me?
I keep questioning myself?
If yes, why they did not want me to go back?
If no, then I can accept why I am not allowed to go back.
Sigh.
God know the answers I guess.
Sigh.

nEw StArT~

2009-07-11T08:54:00.002+08:00

My new semester just started. Now I am in the second year already. I cannot believe it that I am a senior right now. Time flies.
My course only has 1 junior this year. I cannot believe it. In our previous batch, we have 15 people. What happened to all the juniors this year? They don’t like Biology?
This semester I have to take 5 majors which are Cytogenetics, , Molecular approach in conservation, Entomology, Population genetics, and Plants physiology. In entomology, we need 2 collect 100 insects individually. Aaaargh….a lot of insects need to catch. Miss form 6. I still remembered how, when & where we went to catch our insects last time for our biology project.
Our group consists of 6 people- Suz, Siew Lay, Mayz, Seow Yee, Rebecca & I.
We went to catch the insects at Botanical Garden. I still remember the moments we met with monkeys here & there, some specimens being destroyed by them, how we act as foreigner from Japan, India when meet with the guards passing by at Botanical garden in order not to get caught by them. Actually, we are not allowed to catch insects there but what to do, we really need those insects for our project..haha.=P .Moment where we were running here & there in order to catch the insects. The smell of chloroform that none of us really like. We used a lot of chloroform to make those insects unconscious. But the chloroform not really works coz some insects did not really “faint” as it should be. Hahaha..XD
Now, I have a new direct senior, Yvonne. I am so happy. She is a very nice person. She gave me her notes yesterday. I am really grateful to have her as my direct senior this semester. She even gave me her dissecting set. Yvonne, thank u so much!!^^

To be continued…..

~cAnNoT Let gO??~

2009-07-10T17:25:00.002+08:00

Today, I thought back about my grandpa.
What my grandpa usually called me when I was small-Mei Mei. My family usually called me Li Mei. What my grandpa called was different from what they called me.
I was very close with him. I was very timid when I was small. When I had nightmares, he was the one there for me.

When my parent left me alone at home, he was the one there for me.
I felt safe and protected when he was around.

When he passed away, i learned to be more brave because I knew someone who was always there for me was gone to another world mostly heaven.=P

€~growing up~€

2009-07-02T15:15:00.000+08:00

"As we grow up,
we learn that
even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once
and
it gets harder every time.

You'll break hearts too,
so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.
You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast
and
you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So TAKE too many pictures,
LAUGH too much
and
LOVE like you've never been hurt

because every sixty seconds you spend upsetting
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back!!
Don't be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin."

~mY f@miLy~^^

2009-06-24T19:13:00.005+08:00

My family consists of 6 person including me..My mama,papa,2sisters & 1 brother.

My eldest sis is older than me 4years ,my brother is older than me 2 years & my younger sis is younger than me 2 years.LOL

Recently, I start to miss them terribly..Maybe because I do not go back to my hometown for quite long already...

this pic was taken when i went back to Penang during Chinese New Year 2009..taken with my eld sis..

this is my younger sis..To me,she is the prettiest & cutest..miss her a lot although she just love to scold me for no reasons..Already get used to her scolding i guess..i never get angry with her...

this my brother..really hope he can manage his life well..

i do not have my parents' picture because they do not like to take picture..Maybe they are shy i guess...hahaha...=P

coming to an end!~~

2009-06-24T00:50:00.005+08:00

Going into my 2nd year soon in July..so fast...time really flies.. I have learned a lot throughout this 1 year.. most important I get to organize myself much better..Become more independent in whatever things i do.
learn to know how people's attitude..
I get to learn to Love myself better..Be kind to myself..This whole year experience really taught me a lot..
Learn to share my thoughts with some good friends who always be there when I need them to listen & have a shoulder to cry on..Thank God for giving such a wonderful friend like Jayne,Pauline,Ah Mei,etc...

I even have a wonderful b'day surprise this year..Thank u so much,guys..love u all so much for giving me such a great birthday surprise in this 1 year as well..

I really grow up a lot without my family members by my side..although in my heart,i miss my family so badly...

Miss them a lot.Mama & papa,I love u..this what i wanted to tell them so long..but i dun really dare to say it coz my parents are quite conservative.
What I can do is to show them my love to them..how I show them will be a secret..^^

Natcon+ Gala Dinner =>> finally

2009-06-18T21:07:00.002+08:00

finally,everything has ended..
wow,unbelievable...
although was quite tired & stress up with all the stuffs for Natcon, but i really learned a lot from it..
met a lot of new frens as well/
gonna miss all of them..^^

~The one & the OnLy~

2009-06-09T00:00:00.003+08:00

Today,i miss my granpa so much..
The only person who was always there when i'm in trouble..
The only person who always protect me.He will protect me from almost everything from small insects to the Giant rattan..haha

He already gone to the New world for nearly 14 years d..

miss him a lot..

he gave me a lot of sweet memory..
I still remember the first time he bought durian for me to eat..
I still remember everything that he done for me...

miss u a lot,grandpa..huggies...

lucky^^

2009-06-01T18:55:00.005+08:00

when it gets hard, lucky in my life
you come towards me like a dream
when i get sad, lucky in my dream
you hold me tight with warm embrace

i smile like this, always
even when the world makes it hard
i don't ever want to show my tears.
even though you don't know my heart yet
because i can still keep your smile, even from afar,
it's a relief

when i want to cry, lucky in my love
you look so handsome in my imagination
when i'm frustrated, lucky in my world
you hold me tight like a dream

i smile like this, always
even when the world makes it hard
i don't ever want to show my tears.
even though you don't know my heart yet
because i can still keep your smile, even from afar,
it's a relief

everything is beautiful. i'm so happy.
i make a wish again in this lonely world

i smile like this, always
even when the world makes it hard
i don't ever want to show my tears.
even though you don't know my heart yet
because i can still keep your smile, even from afar,
it's a relief

take one step towards me

~In LoVe~

2009-05-30T19:42:00.004+08:00

Hyunjoong, Kim Bum and Kim Joon did a CF together ^^. cute,,,

OMG...in love with the boys before flower movie...great drama..must watch..haha..

the guys & girl are sooooooo cute...

steamboat for dumpling's day

2009-05-29T19:03:00.005+08:00

yesterday was a best day!!i had steamboat with my housemates for dumpling's day..haha..
we went to buy our materials at wet market in kajang around 1.15pm.
then,we had oyr lunch at mcdonald.i did not eat mcd's burger 4 quite long d.feel very happy coz able to eat yest..wohoo..we had fillet-o-fish..

then,we continued our journey to metro kajang-Giant to buy things needed for our steamboat..
when,we reached our hostel..we started to wash the vegetables.etc...then,we started to boil the water before putting in the ingredients..really have an enjoyable day yesterday..

~uNfOrGetAbLe MoM€nT~^^

2009-05-25T19:31:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the best day for me. Although just manage to meet some friends yesterday. I felt extremely grateful & happy already. I really thank God for making my outing yesterday successful. The weather was so nice yesterday. Went out with my old friend in the morning around 9am. We went to have our morning breakfast at Chowrosta market at Penang road. Wow, there were a lot of people yesterday at the market. Coz it was Sunday. But we enjoyed our food there. After our breakfast, we walked around the market. Then, we went to Mydin because I needed to buy a new alarm clock. We had a lot of fun inside Mydin. Why ??secret…haha..

After that, we went to the famous ais kacang stall at Penang road. The seller was friendly & invite us to have our ais kacang with ice-cream (my favourite) in their small shop. The atmosphere in that shop was nice & we had a lot of fun while eating our ais kacang. We took a lot of pictures there.

Around 11 something, we continued our next destination-our kindergarten that we went together last time. Nothing much changed since 15years ago. I missed all the sweet memory I had in that kindergarten. I missed my kindergarten teachers & friends. Do not know how they are doing now but hope wish they have nice & successful journey ahead. As usual, we’ll took photos wherever we went.LOL.

After that, we went to Kuan Yin temple at Jalan Kapitan Keling to meet a friend,Jasyln Tan. We went to pray as well. After praying, we went to one of the coffee shop near the temple. That coffee shop is own by one of our friend. Her name is Cheah Siew Sean. Maybe we went at the wrong time. She was damn busy at that time. But we did have very interesting chat with her. She so excited to see us as we did. Haha..

Then Jaslyn fetched us to Old Town to have our lunch & online as well..wohoo…we were too hungry & we forgot to took the pictures of the food & drinks that we ordered there.Luckily,just managed to take the pictures of the toast bread with butter before we ate it..haha..

After that, we continued to our next destination-Prangin Mall to watch movie with other three friends. It had being a long time, I did not go to Prangin already. The movie we watched entitled “ Night at the Museum2”. Wow, it was really a nice & funny movie to watch. 6 of us had a lot of fun watching that movie.

After that movie, we walked around prangin & did the things that other people usually do. That was window-shopping..haha… I also met with one of my classmates last time..some funny incident happen that time when I met her. It’ll be the sweet & funny memory that will stick in the mind of 5 people there (including me). Those who know me will really know what type of person I am & what type of things that I usually do when I am at the blur stage..haha..

2nd day of EYLN

2009-05-16T16:00:00.003+08:00

Today,we have quite a good-looking speaker..most of the girls crazy of him..maybe coz he's quite good-looking& quite intelligent& able 2 give interesting speech as well..He's just 24years old..very young but hv achieve his goal in life already& have high post as well in the company..I salute him...

Today,I'm able to talk to one of the facilitator from Netherlands..She is beautiful& friendly as well..Her name is Marie-Paulien...

I'll miss the new friends that i meet during this EYLN...

AIESEC->EYLN ~cool

2009-05-15T16:04:00.006+08:00

today i went to the AIESEC camp,,it's called the EYLN...i met quite a lot of people there..wohoo..

so,happy...met with a Japanese guy,named Taka..he quite cute coz of the way he talked & dance...
he's so energetic..he is also 1 of the O.C..he will go back to Tokyo next week..he told us that he came from Tokyo university&the course he took was IT management things..

then ,i also met with 1 Nigeria girl.her name is Dorcas..She studied in 1 of the private university in KL(i can't really remember the name of her uni)..we also exchange hp number..

Then,I also met with students from NUS & NTU as well...all the NTU students(3 of the them)that i met today were from Indonesian..They are Chinese Indonesian...(i can't remmeber their names now coz too many people i met today)..

i remember the NUS students names: Aravinda from Sri Lanka,Charlie(chinese guy from M'sia)..I also met wif a girl who studied in 1 of the private university in Singapore..her name is Emily..She is from JB actually..

Quite fun also..although The EYLN is basically for the Econs&Business Students,,
This morning we have a speaker name George Ang,..He's the founder of Manhattan Fish Market..he gave a very interesting talk..quite funny guy..=P

then,at the end of his talk,he gave everyone present today a Manhattan Fish Market voucher worth RM10&Tony Roma's voucher worth RM10 as well..

then,we have another speaker who gave talk on the Personality Test..quite interesting although some ppl started to feel bored...

my story ends now coz i'm not feeling so well..coz i hv skin allergy suddenly...

besides that, i need to go out to buy my bus ticket..wohoooo..i'll back 2 Penang probably on 20th May coz i hv something 2 do....^^

aarrgghh...i forgot to take pictures with all the people i met today..i am so happy to b able to meet all of the new people...will take the pictures with them 2molo..=D

wohoooooo

2009-05-12T21:11:00.001+08:00

2molo going 2 Cheras pasar malam....so happy...=P

2009-05-12T14:15:00.004+08:00

Today,my class for the 3rd sem start..

Quite happy coz i have friends who are in the same set with me..

At 1st,i was quite upset about someone's attitude yesterday coz i felt that the person was quite rude to me& my friend..
Even outsider also notice about it..

But 2day,everything changed.. Since that person do not appreciate what I had done or the advice i gave..Why don't i just leave her ? I'll not give her any of my opinion anymore coz it's her life anyway..I do not want to waste my time anymore on that small matter..

2day was the best day ever..coz my lecturer was quite nice & funny..

I'm very happy to be myself..no need to bother about what other people said or think...

It's my life anyway...I'll be enjoying every seconds in my life on Earth...

thanks to all my dear friends...

Lonely in Wesak's Day~

2009-05-09T09:54:00.005+08:00

Everyone go back home d...I'm alone in my hostel....
wish to go back home as well but i couldn't coz the short sem will start on 11th May...

Today is Wesak day...almost every year,i'll join my friends during the Wesak Day celebration..
we will follow the crowd...
I miss them...I miss the time we spent together...
Wish everything ok in my family...

Mother's day also i am unable to celebrate with my mom but i'll call back to wish my mom:"Mom,Happy Mother's Day!!"Love u..^^

Mein Tagesablauf (my daily life routine)

2009-05-06T22:33:00.003+08:00

Um acht Uhr stehe ich auf..
Um halb neun bereite Ich das Fruhstuck vor..

Um zehn Uhr gehe ich zur Vorlesung

Lebensgeschichte^^

2009-05-06T08:47:00.004+08:00

Es geht um Leben und Tod..

lebendig werden ist nicht leicht.

Leben ist schwer..

so ist das Leben

Das Leben ist nicht lebenswert ist falsch...

in diesem Leben,wir sollen leben glücklich ..

Hoffnung: es ging gut aus

es besteht die Hoffnung,dass ich Erfolg habe.

Familie in der richtigen Reihenfolge halten

ich wäre reich...(im Traum)..LOL..

Leben durchmachen obwohl Leben ist schwer..

Hoffnung aufgeben nie..(Das ist es, was meine Freunde sagen mir halten)

Danke,meiner Freundin..

wish 2 hv luck

2009-05-04T16:35:00.002+08:00

2molo will be having my Fundamental of Molecular Biology paper ( in short it's called ABM)..
WISH 2molo paper quickly over,then i'll be free d..hopefully..
wish 2 hv some luck in that paper..

No matter how hard life is,i must not give up.....

God please bless me...

^.^------> ^^

2009-05-03T10:24:00.004+08:00

時光是琥珀(Time is drops of tears)

白雲飛走(white clouds are flying pass)

閃過的念頭(These flashy thoughts)

潺潺的溜走(are slipping away.)

跟你撒娇摇摇头

跟你开心手牵手

什么都不用害怕

CONFUSED

2009-05-02T13:09:00.002+08:00

dunno what she want......
if she want 2 win in everything...
then,i'll say"Ya,u had won already in everything...but u hv lost the friendship"

she had asked me whether i had told anyone about our problems...
Ya,i had told someone about it..someone who i can trust & able to give me advice...
she oso had told someone about it...

when things happen,we tend to tell someone about it...

if she really think i am wrong in everything or she seem want me to admit,then i'll admit if she want to win in everything...

i feel like i am being force...

in every problems that happen in any friendship....no one is always right..it involve both parties...

kind of disappointed with her when she keep asking me these question,

" are we still frens? or are we stiil be stranger better? or are u REGRET to be my room mate or are u regret to be my frens?

i don't like those question being repeated so many times...

she even help me to reply those question...
she said i REGRET to be her room mate or to be her frens...

i really PEK CHEK when i told her i never think that....

she think that herself & seem start to blame me...

i really so PEK CHEK d & cannot stand it d,so i juz reply back the answer to she gave..

i never hope our friendship to be end..if she want 2 end it..i hope she will make it fast & short...

i dunno what i can said d...

友好^^

2009-05-01T19:20:00.003+08:00

時光是琥珀

青春的上游

白雲飛走

蒼狗與海鷗

閃過的念頭

潺潺的溜走

回憶如困獸

寂寞太久

而漸漸溫柔

放開了拳頭

反而更自由

我們在告別的演唱會

說好不再見

可是那然後呢

還好我有

甜蜜记忆

~b'd@Y~LOL

2009-04-30T14:47:00.002+08:00

today was my friend's b'day..actually, a lot of my friends' birthday...lol...
Just now,we celebrated pumpkin's birthday at bakery in pusanika...haha..it seem is our bio geng's tradition already coz everytime when there is someone birthday in our geng,we'll definitely go to bakery to pusanika to celebarate..haha..=D

very happy coz we still stick together..hopefully all of us we still keep up our tradition until we graduate..although some of us will be separated coz of our different major..i still hope that we will be still stick together as a geng..wakaka...

~FoUnD~

2009-04-29T10:40:00.002+08:00

i manage to find my water bottle yesterday...thanks to one of my friend,mee teng...
thanks o...=P
thanks to joanne as well..LOL

the water bottle is not just a simple bottle..
it has some reason behind it for me to care so much of that bottle..hehe...

~tRuE fRiEnDs#iPs~

2009-04-28T08:06:00.003+08:00

True Friendships

This is sage advice for those who have been fortunate enough to find that one true friendship. Or perhaps you have maintained friendships from your days in elementary school. Whatever the case, friends are previous gifts we give to ourselves.

As children, friendships are vitally important, most notably as it relates to the socialization process. Meeting a new friend the first day of school is essential, especially if one is particularly shy. Perhaps another girl would sense the shyness and offer a hand in friendship. Forming friendships with others from different cultures enhances a child’s early experiences as well, and plants a seed that is healthy and which can be nurtured throughout life. But, preserving friendships are often difficult, even under the best of circumstances. Whether a friend moves away; or leaves school; or becomes ill, it is especially hard on a child. They are resilient, however, and somehow cope with the loss.

As the child becomes a teen, the word friendship takes on a different connotation. While some teens exhibit the closeness and bonding prevalent during their parents’ day; others are not so conducive to this type of friendship. Instead, they form gangs which they refer to as their family, and commit acts which were unheard of twenty or thirty years ago. It makes one wonder if this type of friendship is born out of a home where caring and nurturing is non-existent. Or has peer pressure to act and dress a certain way erased all that was taught in the early years of their childhood. Girls become vicious to each other; more so than boys, and it’s inconceivable that a meaningful true friendship exists in that environment.

Perhaps as we grow older, the child in us returns to the very first day we attended school. We appreciate and value the friends we’ve made in our adult life because they ground us; keep us balanced; watch out for us; protect us; care and help us when needed. True friendships require no expectations; they are unconditional by nature, and bring out the very best of who we are. We rely on each other for comfort; rant and rave knowing our friend will simply listen; discuss issues which we are passionate about, knowing we will be understood. Laugh together; cry together; then eat ice cream while laughing all the more. How rare is that kind of friendship? How blessed are we to have a true friend who will allow us to be who we are, without judgment. Yes, very rare indeed.

As we reach our golden years, our friends may have passed on, but the memories are still intact. We take out the old scrapbook and reminisce as we thumb through familiar pictures. Suddenly, we laugh and look to one side saying, “Remember……” then stop. A single tear falls down our cheek. We look up and smile because the years have not taken away the recollections of our youthful days, nor has the light of true friendship been extinguished...

P.S:
So never end the friendships....some people end it coz they never realise how important frienship is or they never cherished the friendship for the 1st place.
Remember never take friendship as granted...

wish i can fly....

2009-04-27T12:52:00.004+08:00

i dunno how to begin this.i really wish i can fly...i wish i can be flying like bird...flying high in the sky without any worries....i have so many problems d lately...i wish i could just cry out but can't...sometimes i hold back my tears....it's kind of hard to do it...but i have too.......

i'm not sure whether must i trust back someone who already broken the trust in between us?????
it's easy r her to tell everyone that "she want to regain back friendship with someone" but she'll never told the truth that she had hurt that person so many times intentionally or unintentionally..the truth is still hidden.....
i dunno why i feel so sad when i had to write this....
i just hope that person can just leave me alone for some time
i still have so many things to bother...i have no time to play this kind of "hide&seek" game with her.sometimes,i feel she like a small kid only...just like to have fun& dun try to care for other people's feeling...

i'm very tired...
maybe she never realised that why we have such a big gap now in between our friendship..coz we seem from different world...You keep saying that i create the gap between us but why u never think who is the one who create this gap at the first place...sometimes u make ur close fren think i'm a bad person..u never how that feelings is....

she will never understand other people's problems...

I told her once when i have problem but i felt so sad when she didn't try to listen when i told her about my problem...maybe she is just a friend that only can share your happiness but will never share ur sadness & ur problem..
From that onwards i decided that i will never shared my problems d....

people who never gone through the hard time will never try to understand other people's hard time...especially someone that have being pampered a lot by their parents since they are small.....sometimes she never think before she said something..
she'll never know other people's suffering...

about the friendship between us,i just let God plan the best solution....

~In LoVe~

2009-04-27T09:27:00.001+08:00

In love with fish leong's song-qing ge.......so nice......wah...lol

~WiS#eS~

2009-04-26T23:14:00.003+08:00

wish miracle could happen-this was my b'day wish this year..
Wish miracle could hppn in my family for at least once....
wish my bro can change into new leaf.........
wish he won't b so bad-temper anymore...........when see he fight with other ppl......
wish he won't give much trouble to the family any more...
wish nobody in my family get hurt..................
wish all my family members won't argue among themselves......feel so sad whenever i see them argue....i juz can't do anything....
wish i can become happy-go-lucky person again....
wish i could meet with my hometown frens again........all of them.....
wish i can go back during the 3rd sem that i'll be taking in may& june.....
wish my smile can come back........
wish i can have a good laugh
wish i won't b so blur-blur anymore.......lol..
wish my friendship with my room mate will b better.....
wish everything willl b ok in my life........................................

will all my wishes come true????????????

wish i have a lot $$$

2009-04-21T14:59:00.007+08:00

Wish i can escape from the life i have now....think of running away before but i can't just leave my family alone..
What to do if you have a bro who keep borrow money from loan sharks & the loan sharks keep coming to your house to ask for money..Why can he remember what happened to our family when he borrowed money from loan sharks before in 2005?why can't he change?where is the salary he got go? Did he went to gamble again?i have no idea.why must he go gamble?He already did not contribute any money to the family and keep asking money from my mom whenever he need money.i feel so sad to see my mom has to give him the money that she need to buy her own medicine.. i wish i have more money so that i could give my mom.Whenever people ask me what is most important to me..My reply is "To Have lot& lot of $$$$."
wish i can settle all my family's financial problems..people who never gone through the life i went to through will never understand "how HARD life is".

Luckily,i'm back to my uni when the loan sharks come to our house..if not,i dunno what will happen..i knew about the loan sharks things when i called my mom.i knew inside her heart,she is very sad..Did u ever see your mom cry before?i did..how sad & how hurt you will feel..I did not tell any of my friends about it.coz i did not want them to ask me lot of questions..maybe i am afraid..I am afraid about what other people will think about my brother...
Now all of my friends are having exams,so i do not want to disturb them..maybe i juz want to escape from telling my friends i guess..

whenever people tell me that i am tough..i wish i could tell them that i am actually quite a timid person..coz of my family's condition,i have to act tough...

i really dunno what or how to tell people whenever they ask me about my bro.
what else i told them..many people(especially my relatives) already considered my bro as the black sheep of our family d.
Wish my bro could turn to a new leaf..will this wish come true???????????

Now,I'm having exams as well.Wish i could fully concentrate on my studies.....

~Hectic day~

2009-04-06T13:45:00.004+08:00

I feel very tired nowadays. The burden I carried became heavier than before. Sad because nobody seems able to help me out. What to do? Today I did a very bad things during my field methods trip to the Fernarium( Taman Paku Pakis). It makes me looks ugly or even looks like a bad person. I have no choice. Guess what I did? I scolded my group members for coming late. When I called one the member who is a Malay guy, he told me that he just wake up. Guess what I did again? I scolded him quite badly in the phone& other coursemates look at me. Then, I scolded other three of the guys in my group as well. Maybe they had regretted to join my group already. What to do? Nobody want to do the bad person character – to scold the late-comers. Imagine they late for nearly half an hour. Then ,the other member late for nearly one and a half hour. Imagine I am the person who do not like to scold people. Nobody know how I felt after I scolded people. I feel sad but what to do I need to hide it. I even scolded one of my friends who came late also. What to do? I have to be fair. Maybe she has grew to dislikes me already. What to do?Another friend will think why must I scold them? Why? The reason is I want them to be punctual and do their work well. It is a group project. I do not want to delay anymore.I really very tired. Imagine I have to carry my family’s burden in shoulder since I born. What should I do?
Imagine yourself need to take care of your family’s name because one of your family member keep ruining the family’s name. I need to take care of my family’s name because I am very to see my parents being look down by other relatives. What to do if you born to not-so- rich family? What to do if your parents cannot afford to pay for your fees when you are in secondary school? What to do if your brother keep ruining the family’s name?
What to do if you want tuition for subjects that you are weak in but cannot do it because of family’s condition?
What to do if you have no other choice in your life?
I keep telling myself that I can control my destiny-in order to hang on to my life for so long.
I cannot give up my family. Without them, I would not be in this world also.
I just really need to hang on..
Imagine if one day, I just let go everything. What will happen ?
If your heart no in it. What will happen?
Because of so many things that I need to handle at time, I really did not laugh for quite long already when I come to UKM..sad.. I can make other people around me laugh but nobody able to make me laugh. “Where is the bright smiling face that you used to have last time?”-one of my close friend in hometown ask me. “where has it gone?”-other friend ask.. I do not how to tell them.
Some of them asked me to come back to my hometown-they did not like to see me like that..
What can I do to bring back the bright smile in my face again?
What to do if you want to smile but need to sigh instead?

Sigh…

~meaning of friendships~=)

2009-04-05T11:46:00.006+08:00

What would you do if every time you fell in love with someone you had to say good-bye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?

What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?

What would you do if you loved someone more than anything else and you could never have them?

Some people live and some people die.

But I want to tell you I love you and you are a true friend...

That I will always be here for you when and if you need me...

If I died tomorrow, you would be in my heart forever..

Would I be in yours?

You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next year, and don't want to talk at all the year after that.

So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.

I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you

Remember, everyone needs a friend, someday you might feel like you have NO FRIENDS at all, just remember this e-mail and take comfort in knowing somebody out there cares about you and always will

I LIKE
MY FRIENDS ALWAYS &
FOREVER! ! !

~t O Re@LiSe~^.<

2009-04-04T16:50:00.003+08:00

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...

To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when

you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

~fOr UKM students only~

2009-04-04T16:37:00.003+08:00

Hi all,

I'm just here to share what I've just learnt from a friend - how to download past year papers from PTSL digital library. Cool huh? =P

step 1:
go to http://ptsldigital.ukm.my/

step 2:
key in your user name : substitute the alphabet 'A' in your matrix number with digit one '1'
example: A123456 becomes 1123456 and the password is the same as the one you use to borrow books in the library

step 3: in the database, search for "KERTAS SOALAN"

step 4:
key in the code of your course.
Example: If it's TITAS ZZZT1012, just key in ZT1012
if it's VVVB1493, just key in VB1493

step 5:
click "VIEW DOCUMENT CONTENTS"

step 6:
click "KERTAS SOALAN" to download.

For your information, some codes are not updated. The system is still using the 'old' code.
For example, for those taking TITAS this semester, (if you refer to your exam slip), the code is ZT1033, but it wont be available in the database.
I was told that the 'old' code was ZT1012, so i tried and i found a few sets of past year questions.

For more information, please consult the librarians at 'Kaunter Perkhidmatan Pelanggan, PTSL'

Best of luck for Finals!

2009-03-29T10:19:00.003+08:00

HUMAN BEINGS ARE SUCH SMALL CREATURES, AREN'T THEY?

SO DON'T BE TOO WORRIED ABOUT EVERYTHING,

TREASURE EVERY MOMENT, DO WHAT YOU WISH TO DO.....

BROADEN YOUR VIEW, BROADEN YOUR MIND,

DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE BOTHERING YOU,

DO TREASURE YOUR LOVE, LIVE SAFELY AND PEACEFULLY,

ALWAYS BE HAPPY TO WELCOME THE COMING OF THE NEW DAY....... ENJOY THE SUNSHINE ..

ALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS.....

~oLd t#oUg#ts!~

2009-03-28T00:35:00.007+08:00

I want to go back...never expect why I have to suffer all the way through my life... i wish it could end..i do not want any more obstacles or tests from God again..really feel very tired to go through it...when will it stops?is it after my life ends???
or it'll never end...I really had enough obstacles in my life already->meet wif all kind of people already,go through bitter life already..
maybe i'm not so lucky like other people who dun hv to go through it...haiz...most people have almost everything they want...but me?never have i guess,,,,This is what i usually said when badly hurt&sad..

but now, i really feel satisfy d coz when every time i feel very down,some true friends will come...maybe it's all God's plan,..maybe,He still want me to continue with my fight throughout my journey in Earth..
1 of my friend told me this tonight:
like tht i tell u
a) "do not think so much about these small things
and boys do not matter
the only thing u should worry about is ur exams and ur studies
those ppl tht arent real friends, just stay away form them"

b)"nvm if u hv little friends or many ppl dun like u
u dun need them
u only need the ones that are there for u when u need help
the rest all, dun waste tears, strength and anger on them
wht they wanna do, let them, don't ambil hate because they do not matter"

c)"but then for now
really, don bother about boyfriends
they only want sex
u study first k
then work, get good job then only consider guys
but of course u dun feel so negative about urself that u ignore ALL guys la
must do things in moderation, nt extremes
FAHAM TAK

my this friend is very funny when she said things but everything she said is true & can make feel better & even have a good laugh..so, right now I dun scare to face any obstacles already coz have true & good friends who will give me moral support..love them...miss them..

~I miss my hometown~

2009-03-26T22:38:00.002+08:00

i miss my hometown...wish i was back in Penang..i miss Penang's food especially laksa.char kuay teow, ais kacang,hokkien mee,wantan mee,satay,etc...
I miss my friends very much..i miss all of them...i miss my bed too...

suddenly feel so lonely here without my friends,family& relatives here...although i can still chat with my friends in msn or have video call with them..it's a very different things coz can't really see them as a clear as it should be..miss their warm hug..miss the old time we use to have in my hometown...
life really hard In UKM...it's not so easy as what most people think...especially been hurt by some people who are not so nice..
i really want to go back to my hometown as soon as possible...
need to escape from here...maybe need a break...
really miss my the penang's food,the beautiful places there..

~I wOnDeR~

2009-03-26T15:11:00.003+08:00

Too good for nothing?
I have no idea why I have this gentle heart that won’t fight back. Why ? I do not like arguments& fighting or wars.
I used to wonder. I wish I have the courage to fight back. It is not mean I am a coward. I just do not want to hurt anyone feelings. Maybe, I should say the Firm no next time. But will it works? I wonder.
I do not know why my heart keep telling me not to do things like what other people did like hurting other people’s feelings, telling lies, etc. was it good or back? I wonder. If I keep listening to my heart will I go wrong way? Will I being used by people? Will I regret in the future? I have no ideas. This heart is mine. what should I really do? I do not like being hurt. On the other hand, I do not want to hurt other people as well. Will I found true friends in these 2 years time in UKM. I wonder..
Nobody can predict what will happen in the future. Nobody will knows how will my life will end..nobody knew except god..kind of tired with all the obstacles that keep coming in my life. When will the obstacles will end? I wonder.

Ps: everyone has their own limit..so, maybe 1 day I might fight back those who keep used me..who knows?haha..

~forgive~

2009-03-24T22:49:00.002+08:00
"Forgive those who unintentionally hurt us..Do not be someone who is easily hurt by others". this what one a good friend(who is my Senior) that i found in UKM told me..
i must say that i agree with what she told me.She never want to see me been hurt by friends in UKM.She really care for me so much as her sister.i used to cry a lot when i feel very sad coz been hurt by people that i treat as friends..now,i reealise why should i waste my tears coz of those selfish&heartless people..
Actually,i believe everyone will face all sorts of things when you aree in university.University is actually a small society of people..It had different kinds of people from good,moderate,bad and even worst...
i had met with bad and worst people in UKM.1st type of people who will pay back revenge if u told them that they did something wrong.2nd type of people who like to use to achieve their goal.i really dun like these types of people..i even meet with someone who treat u nice in front but back-stab u from behind.i also encountered with people who had the motif at the first time they meet u..this is life..so,we have face it &go through it..i had learned a lot from those people. i think must thank them also coz they make me more tough to go through my life in future..
besides the baddies,i had meet with good friends as well. i'm glad to be here-in UKM..never regret it..although life is tough here,i shouldn't give up coz of those unkind people..it make me more tough to go through my life..anyway,why must i be sad or burden by those baddies,rite..no point.must well i enjoy my life to the fullest without worries..lol...i better be myself than be those people who like to act as good people..i wonder(won't they feel tired of acting?).i'll definitely feel tired with the acting...lol..

now,i will try to achieve my dreams &goals that i had set before i step my feet in UKM..

1st of all-must be happy-go-lucky.
2nd-ignore those not so friendly people
3rd-Been myself

s@d incident...

2009-03-22T14:38:00.000+08:00
I dunno how to describe my feeling...i meet with one person..i thought she's ok but sooner i found out that she hv 1 type of attitude..when i told her i want 2 buy a particular things,she'll go 2 buy the things that i want 2 buy 1st 4 herself of course..although she dun need it.she juz want 2 b the first buy than me..why she do that?i dun really understand.then,i realise she like 2 compare wif me..4 wat reason,i dunno...she juz want 2 win in everything...i treat her as my frens...sad...impossible she din realise wat she done..

Wh@t a d@Y

2009-03-03T18:44:00.000+08:00
I do not know how to describe my feelings today....It's a mix feeling...I wish I could tell someone but I feel it's better for me to write it out instead of telling my friends..I do not want any of them feel been burden by my problems.I believe that everyone is this world has their own problem, it's just a matter of big of small..i wish to have a happy family..But my family can not really give feel the LOVE & warmth.MY family is kind of complicated& full of problems.today i called my mom & I felt a bit unhappy after it.maybe i shouldn't make that call.What I heard in the house is argument between my mom & my eld sister& also my younger sister..the arguments are bad(from what I heard in the phone)..I do not want them to argue.When they argue,they turn out to be quite scary..It makes me have to think twice whether i want to go back or not during my 1 week holiday(study week in April). I have to go some where during that 1 study week because I couldn't stay in my hostel..Got some reasons behind it..

Then, a friend(name Q) that i been known for nearly a year (live in the same hostel nearly 1 year d)had hurt my feelings..yesterday,she make me feel like i'm talking to wall..I asked her something regarding the application to stay in our hostel..she heard what i asked but she do not want to tell me.when i asked her,she said she do not who i'm talking to. in the room only got 3 ppl. i called her with her name.. Impossible she do not know who i am talking to..sigh..

Then,whenever have anything going on in our hostel, i'll be the last person to know..although Q meet with me.She never tell me..Then, when it near the last minute only she'll tell me.maybe she like to see my panic face...Everytime when i knew something,I'll tell her one.i'll never tell her last minute. it hurts..

I knew ppl are different but never knew how scary they can be..
then, a close friend said to me, "why must u treat her so nice?if she mean to u, u must mean back to her''.
but i just couldn't do that..i do not like to hurt anyone feeling..i do not want anyone to get hurt...i do not know why....wish i know the answer..

My past....

2009-03-01T13:36:00.000+08:00

everyone in this world must have their own past that they tried to hide from everyone in this world..actually,it's very tiresome to hide the past from everyone else in this world even from ur closest frens..
everything started when i'm in form 5(year 2005)..but it's still fresh in my memory like it just happen yesterday.My older bro starts to gamble in every football match.No one in my family knew about it until one day loan sharks came to our house. they asked for my brother & asked us to pay the debts behalf of him because my bro was unable to pay them.my bro had lost a lot of money in the football matches & he had borrowed the money from the loan sharks..
the nightmares in my life started...Every night,the loan sharks will come to our house & make a lot of fuss..one day,one of the loan shark beat up my mom&my mom's mouth was bleeding..I was so scared that time..No place to go because none of our relatives want us.the main reason is we are poor&not up to their standard.
the loan sharks even threaten to kidnap my ygr sis & i ..in orderr to make money out from it to pay debts that my bro owes them..
my ygr sis & i was very scared to go to school that time..I can't even tell any of my friends about it because my parents feel that the loan sharks things was very shameful.i cried a lot that time..

my parents have to take out their EPF money to pay for the debts but the amount my bro owes was too much..my bro borrowed from different loan sharks that make things worse..the loan sharks destroy our things.my dad cannot do anything also..

the nightmares did not end up like that..my bro turn up to be very fierce because of the incident because he had been beaten up by the loan sharks while he ride own his motorcycle to works..this makes him unable to go to work for feew weeks..
my bro start to lose temper very fast& he even beat my ygr sis& me up..most of the time,i will injured most badly..don't know why i will be become the target for my bro to loose temper.he even took the stool to beat me up..he even took a knife to threaten me..i got injured my wrist because of the knife he used. that time,i hate my bro very much because he had caused a lot of pains in the family.he caused a lot of ppl look down at us..times heal everything i guess..i had forgave him..because he is my brother.because of so many things that happened,I do not dare to start relationship with any guys..I even had rejected a guy who want to be boyfriend..I want him to find someone better than me..i do not want my family things to be a burden to him..now,i'm very happy for behalf of him coz he had found someone in his life..anyways,we will still remain as friends..although everything in my family had settle down&the loan sharks things had settle,I don't have the courage to make myself fall in love in anyone..LOL..

because of that,i was very determined to further my studies..everything that happen did not stop from pursuing my dreams..my family cannot support me for my studies..i knew that...i cannot blame them..i go form6 on my own money.i had to pay everything on my owns..life was very tough that time..i cried a lot..
last time,i used to angry to God & i asked him a lot of WHY???why HE put me in this family where no1 like me?Why HE gave parents who love me less?Why HE took away my Grandpa(the only person in Earth)who love & care from me so early???Why I had to go through so much pains & obstacles?i had stopped myself asking GOD the WHY questions already...I had found out the answer d..God want me to become a very tough person with a gentle heart..

Now,i'm in UKM d..I had lead my life quite happy now..I still care my family..I love them very much no matter what happen..although alone without any company of my family,I was very happy to have friends here..

feeling better saying everything out...
To everyone who had read my blog about "My Past", remember don't give up so easily..the most important things is to lead life happily & meaningfully...
A lot of my friends don't know what type of my life that i had gone through...it's ok for me coz everyone life is different..be H@ppY is most important..life without laughter or smile will turn out to be Dull..lol..^.^

~A piece of sweet Memory~

2009-03-01T11:31:00.000+08:00

A piece of sweet memory…

I think most of us are afraid of death. I do feel scare. But I feel more scared to face the death of our loves one. I just afraid to let them go from my life. I do not want any of my love one to face death in their live. I wish that every of them will have eternity life. There have some reason why I do not want any of them to fall sick or face death. One of the reason is I saw my loved one passed away when I am in standard two. That person was very important to me. He is extremely important person in my whole life because he had a very deep impact in me until now. I wish he is still alive. I wish he can see what I had achieved and what I about to achieve in my life.

He is my late grandfather. He is really a hero in my life. He will protect me from being bullied by my siblings especially, my brother. He will scold my brother if he wants to bully me. He will protect me from other naughty peers who like to make fun from me. He will protect me from my evil aunty who dislikes me since I am born to this wonderful world. He will protect me from beaten up by my mother. He will protect me from almost everything. He will take very good care of me. He will buy nice food for me to eat.

He loved me so much. I wish I can tell him that I really love him because he is the good guy in the world.

In my whole life, I never feel being loved so much by someone.

I never trust guys in my life except my grandfather because he will never harm or hurt me like other man does.

I really hope that he is still alive.

I really wish I can cry to him when I have problems.

Wish I can share all my thoughts with him.

After he passed away, everything changed.

My aunty scolded me to release anger I guess. My brother bullied me more.

Sigh.

What to do it is life?

But I will never forget this piece of sweet memory in my whole life about the hero in my life.

It will be intact my brain forever.

Grandpa, I hope you can see what I have accomplished so far..

No matter how hard life will be, I will never give up because I know you will be watching over me from heaven I guess.=)

A PiEcE oF mInD....

2009-01-18T19:40:00.000+08:00
Everyone in this world must has a piece of mind that they still remember..maybe it's something happy or sad..
The piece of my mind is something sad...It's happened to me few months ago or weeks ago.I felt being betrayed by someone I trusted as a friend.It started with the new year's gathering with the seniors..It's kind of sad when u being betray by a close friend..I can still feel the impact until now..Maybe because I still treat her as a friend..During the dinner,my close friend left me out in that dinner& make me look like a fool..At first,I thought it's alright.After that dinner,we went to watch movie with the seniors.. Things get worse when we were on the way there..She keep ignoring me& as if she do not know me at all..She treat me like a stranger there..when i found out that she used me to achieve her motive,i really felt very angry&obviously sad..When I first meet her,she already had the motive in her minds..Last time,she told me that she do not know how to make friend with people.Her motive is to used me to make friends with people&dumped me aside after she did it with my help...I never expect her to that to me..But what can I do???After these few weeks,I just realized that if i still keep that piece of mind that my so-called close friend betray me,what will i get???I'll get nothing..At the end,I am the one who get mental torturing not her..So,i just take the initiative to let go the piece of mind that bothering me..I am feeling better now..I know that it'll take time for me to mend the wounds..then a friend from my hostel came to me&she told me that maybe the so-called close friend I knew had change or maybe she is not the friend that i imagined when i first meet her..everyone in this world is different..My friend told me not to get to deep with that so-called close friend that keep hurting me & never ever realized she had hurt me so badly..Right now,i still talk to that so-called ex-close friend..I still treat her as a friend but not the very close one anymore..I feel more happy right now..because i have start to let go the piece of mind that keep torturing me..I pray that this friend will never used this kind of tactics to know new friends& dumped her old friends like she did to me before..I hoped that she will realized her mistakes one day...maybe,she need time i guess...so,no point for me to cry over a spill milk..our friendship can't returned as we had before..Life must go on anyways..I'm happy to be my own self rather than acting as somebody...haha....